“It Goes by Fast” Doesn’t Mean What You Think It Means
I wish I had known about the stages of childhood.
In 2008, Melanie and I received the greatest blessing you can get. On November 19, 2008, our boy/girl twins were born. I’m not sure I could come up with a blog post that adequately expresses just how cool it is to have boy/girl twin babies or to raise boy/girl twin kids. It is so much fun and interesting to experience and witness two kids growing up simultaneously from the perspective of the two different sexes. It’s AMAZING!
Having been a facilitator of some pretty deep courses in my corporate days, I knew full well the value of time and how not to let any time slip away. From Day 1, my motto has been to soak up everything I can—get every snuggle, every hug, and all the sugar (kisses, besos) I can and never miss anything. I am unapologetically intentional about soaking up everything possible while raising the kids. I knew from the start that when they left home, that would be it . . . life as a parent would never be the same.
So when people would say, “It goes by fast!” I would smile and agree, but in my head, I would think, “Yeah, but I’m not like everyone else. I already know this.”
But, still, I didn’t get it!
I thought “It goes by fast” meant you have kids for around 18 years, and those 18 years fly by. I thought they were saying, “IT DOESN’T LAST FOREVER.” But that is NOT what they were saying.
Parents of littles, this is what you need to understand.
Yes, it doesn’t last forever, but it does last for 18 years (more for some!).
But THE STAGES fly by fast.
I learned this early on when our first baby sat up. That’s a significant milestone for first-time parents. It’s exciting to see your baby transition into a toddler, and it begins with sitting up. At the time, I thought, ”Okay, we’re in the sitting-up stage now.” But in all practicality, we were NOT in the sitting-up stage because the sitting-up stage was fleeting. It seemed the next day, he was crawling. The setting-up stage becomes the crawling stage so fast that I can’t really call it a “stage.” It was a milestone. THAT IS HOW FAST IT GOES BY!
The parents weren’t saying, “It doesn’t last forever.” They were saying, “The stages are all so concise. There is not one 18-year childhood to soak up. There are numerous instantaneous, fleeting stages you barely have time to recognize before they are gone. So get intentional about identifying, absorbing, and documenting each of these little stages because they disappear just about as fast as they appear, and then they are gone . . . forever.
I would break our kids’ lives into the following stages.
Infants
Toddlers
Preschool
Little kids (K-3rd grade)
Kids (4th and 5th grade)
And then it’s over. So you have around ten years with your “KIDS.” Understand this. I’ll repeat it: after 5th grade, your kid is gone. You only get ten years!
Then . . .
Preteens (11–12)
Teens (13–16)
Late teens (17–18)
Within each stage are milestones: sitting up, crawling, potty training, talking, DRIVING, playing varsity, and so on.
So, here’s what I want every first-time parent to know.
Yes, it won’t last forever.
It is not just one long 18-year experience you have with your child. It is one 10-year experience with your “kid” and another 8-year experience with your “teen.”
There are eight stages, and they are so short that you barely have time to recognize them before they’re gone.
Modern life eats away at our lives with its careers, activities, and demands. Don’t let it. Your job is not as important as your kids. The baseball team is not as important as your family. Your SAT and university are less important than your (or your kid’s) legacy. So take control of your life; don’t let it control you.
Get intentional about how you will honor each stage. Have a plan. The plan should include raising your antennas to recognize new stages and milestones immediately.
Document the stages and milestones with the intention of photos and videos (and journaling for your writing types). Do this for two reasons. First, you want to be able to recall the stages and milestones. Documenting with intention with photos and videos is like creating a biography. You make the memories so you can remember everything you want. If you don’t do this, you won’t remember it all! And secondly, do it so you can tell your kids THEIR STORY. All of us have the same favorite topic—OURSELVES! Share your child’s story with them in a way they can see and feel!
Finally, I will spread this message to other new parents. I don’t mean share this blog post (you can if you want!), but I mean, share the wisdom from your experience.
Being a parent is the greatest thing ever. Your job or business is not. Never get this confused; let “LIFE” swallow “YOUR LIFE.” :)
Happy parenting!
