Paradigms - What Really Drives Our Behavior

I wish I had known about paradigms and how they drive our behavior.

In the early 2000s, I read a book that changed my life. I was in my early 30s and seeking to grow, and I picked up a copy of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey. To this day, I consider this book a foundation for my life. It’s a bit of a deep read, but the author’s son, Sean Covey, followed it up with The 7 Habits of Highly Successful Teens, which is excellent for younger readers. In this post, I’ll share just one of the things I learned from this book: that I’ve continued to deepen my understanding over the years. 

Paradigm 

None of us view things the same. We do not view things as they are; we view them as we are. We see things through a pair of glasses, so to speak, which are made up of our experiences and values. These glasses are our paradigm, which is a fancy word for the lens through which we see things, and everyone’s paradigm is solely their own. 

As Covey points out, this formula is missing the most important element: paradigms. It is our paradigm that drives our behavior. The way we see things is what drives what we do. So this is the actual formula. 

Why is this important? People can drive themselves crazy trying to change an area they know is not working for them. Their self-worth can be significantly impacted when they can’t seem to change a destructive behavior. And rarely do they see the source of that behavior. 

Life is so much better when we get in tune with ourselves. We can evaluate our upbringing, beliefs, values, and experiences to understand better who we are and our paradigms. When we want to change something but continue to fail, the work is not in changing our behavior. The real work is understanding our paradigm and evaluating whether we see things properly.   

This is not easy, but it’s the only way.   

Let me give you a quick example from my own life.  

For most of my adult life, I wanted to be healthy, but I ate and drank things I knew were not good for me. I may have seemed okay compared to the average American, but I knew I should do better. As I got into my 30s, I struggled to maintain a consistent exercise program.   

In my late 40s, my body was changing from age and the impact of my diet and lack of exercise. I finally went to a doctor specializing in functional medicine to help me figure out why I felt so bad. Fatigue, brain fog, and my asthma, along with a few other things, were all affecting my quality of life. What we learned through some tests was that my body was highly reactive to gluten, dairy, and many of the preservatives and food coloring in so many foods that we eat. I also had blood sugar that fluctuated drastically throughout the day and was significantly affecting how I felt. 

I followed the doctor's advice: no gluten, sugar, dairy, or processed foods. Within a few weeks, I had lost nearly 30 pounds. But more importantly, my brain fog disappeared, my asthma went away, my inflammation and stomach issues cleared up, and I felt like a new person. 

Before, I had known in my head I needed to eat better. But after these changes I knew it in my heart, and my paradigm changed. I now saw food directly related to how I felt.  

For some people, a heart attack is a wake-up call. For others, a divorce or a tragedy changes their paradigm. But it doesn’t have to be something so negative.   

Understand yourself and your paradigm and why and how you developed them. Then, do the work to question and challenge your paradigm.   

I hope this post is something that you listen to and learn in your heart! In time, you’ll be glad you did.