Our Job as Parents as Explained to Our Kids

(This is a Facebook post I write on July 16th, 2020.)

Future parents or parent with small kids.

I was talking to someone earlier this week about parenting with someone who did not yet have kids, and shared a little about our approach. We are not perfect, maybe not even good, parents. But so far this seems to have worked well. Maybe I have friends here who haven't had kids yet, or have little ones, who are thinking about this kind of stuff, and this could help in their thought process.

Our kids know, and fully understand, the following things. Not because we told them, but because we have been teaching these for years and everything that we do with them we refer to these concepts. We are teaching parents, not yelling parents. BUT, we are not soft parents by any stretch.

They know our job as parents as to 1. Lead them to Christ, and 2. Develop them into joyful, successful (not money) adults, who understand what success means in employment/business ownership, husband, wife, father and mother. When we have to say "no" (which we do way more than most parents), they know we are not just saying no, we are sticking to the long term plan of developing them into successful, joyful adults. (Our definitions are that joy is a deep seated emotional state vs. happy, which is a fleeting emotion.)

They understand the concept of being average means being "ok". To be "great", we can't be average. If we can't be average, we can't be "normal". So, to be great, we can't get sucked into the concept of doing what everyone else is doing, keeping up with the jones, or peer pressure. Being great means being different. If EVERYONE is doing something, that is a good indicator that it is NOT a good idea. The normal distribution is a good visualizer of this.

Right now, there are 4 elements of their life, in priority order.

1. God

2. Family

3. Scholastics

4. Sports

Friends come AFTER these things. If their friends contribute to enhancing these four elements, then that is great. If a friend separates them, or pulls them from these four things, then they can't be friends. They can be acquaintances, classmates, teammates, etc., but they cannot have that person as an influential friend. (If they can influence the other person to gravitate to their 4 prioritized elements, then that is of course different.)

For each of the four things, they understand the "why" of each one. And that ultimately is the point, teaching your kids why you parent the way you do, and that being great means being different. Being a Christian also means being different.

We don't get it all right, and not saying this is for everyone. Not even sure if this works. I'll let you know when they are 25. But so far, so good. Kids can understand important concepts if we teach them at their level.

Parenting as you go is scary. Parenting by doing what everyone else does is scary. Getting intentional with parenting, with a long term purpose, can really help you do the most difficult job you will ever have!